Asking Too Much (Part 1)

(1/2) “I have a history of asking too much of myself and my horse. I don’t do it intentionally; I just have a hard time not pushing the boundaries when I’m working on something. I never feel like I’m good enough, that what I’m working on is good enough. I’m learning to stop training earlier even when I feel there’s something more to do. It’s hard but I am making progress in leaving something for another day. My horses and I are happier for it.

But I am used to trainers that pressure me into doing more faster and working harder each time. So, when I started taking up lessons again with my horse, all my old behavior of pushing too much fought their way back into my routine. I felt pressured by the fact I had a lesson in X days and I felt I had to have something to show for it. So, every time I had a lesson, the work didn’t go well because I was nervous about failing and I was getting frustrated with myself. And after a not so good lesson I felt I had to work even harder between lessons to make up for it. Weird, I know, but that’s how I’m wired.

I happen to have a sensitive horse that works way better when she’s relaxed. So, all my pushing the boundaries, my nervousness, perfectionism and frustration about not reaching perfection makes her anxious and I can mess up a lot of work in one bad session. So after a while she didn’t like the work anymore. As soon as I noticed that she dreaded going into the arena, it was like a wakeup call. I have worked so hard on relaxation and getting a willing horse with a positive mindset that I was not reverting back to anxiousness and obedience and pressure and sore muscles and an angry horse. So, I stopped preparing for my lesson. And I talked to my trainer in the next lesson, fully expecting her to dismiss my concern and encourage me to push through. I was prepared for our ways to part on this. I wasn’t going back to how things used to be.”