Asking Too Much (Part 2)

(2/2) “So I talked to her. She asked: what do you want to work on today? And I said: a motivation problem. She asked what was wrong. I explained: my horse doesn’t like the work anymore and now I don’t like it anymore. I don’t feel motivated to continue this journey if she dislikes it so much.

I explained what subtle signs told me that my horse dreaded the work, fully prepared again to get laughed at or to get scolded for ‘being too soft’. And then the most wonderful thing happened. She said: ‘well, then we must accept that this is how far she wants to go. We don’t have to train until she can do Grand Prix, do we?

We always tend to want more but sometimes that’s not what’s best for the horse. She’s healthy, she’s comfortable in her own skin, if she wants to leave it at that, that’s what we’ll do. We have accomplished what we set out to do and then some. Let’s just see how she goes today and then discuss what we’ll do from here.’

Needless to say, a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I was relaxed for the first time in a lesson because I didn’t feel inadequate. My horse went beautifully and relaxed, the best she ever went in a lesson. I got showered in compliments. Then after the lesson we discussed continuing the work at a much lower pace and not expecting to get any further, just maintenance and check ins so there would be more time for me to do activities with her that she likes. And if she would offer something else next lesson, we would take the opportunity to work on that but not push the issue.

This is a horse woman that knows how to take a step back and how to work at the speed of the horse. Even if it’s almost no speed at a certain point. This was easily my most wholesome trainer experience in all my time riding and owning horses and she made me realize that sometimes things are just good enough the way they are. Sometimes, the work is done and we can sit back and enjoy what we have accomplished.”